Another holiday, another pregnancy.
I swear to God my cousins are in a race to see who can pop out the most kids by the year 2020.
Here’s the situation- Samantha and Tabitha are sisters (T is older by 5 years or something). S got pregnant while still in high school. T got married and had a kid, around the time that S had hers. Both had girls. Then, T gets pregnant again and has a boy. Then, S has a boy almost a year later. Now, T is having a baby next month (don’t know the gender yet, as no one in this state tells my branch of the family tree anything). S is having a baby in June.
We went to my grandma’s for Easter lunch. I took one look at S and hoped I wasn’t seeing what I was seeing. One text to my cousin in Iowa later, and I had my answer. 7 months. S is 7 months pregnant, and this is the first we’ve heard of it (not that I’m surprised that we haven’t been told. I just… I have no idea why this is happening again). So, next time we go to my grandma’s house (probably Thanksgiving), there will be one more screaming child there for me to scowl at and for the rest of us to pretend has been there the whole time. Awesome.
Maybe she’s always wanted a big family. Maybe she’s happy having 3 kids before she’s 22. I mean, who knows, maybe she’s looking at me, judging, thinking ‘I can’t believe you’re 20 and have no kids. You’re continuing your education? Lame. You’re moving on with your life to get out of this town? Stupid. You don’t make the rest of your cousins think you’re white trash? Irresponsible.’ Who knows.
In other news, yes. I have officially left my teenage years behind. Twenty is the new me. I feel kind of old… the 90s were 20 years ago. How did that happen? On my birthday, my dad said “All I can say is that these past 20 years have gone by really fast.” I guess if I really think about it, they HAVE gone by really fast.
A lot can happen in 20 years. I’ve made friends, lost friends, made myself into the person I am today. Sure, some days are not the best. Some days, I’m downright horrible. But I am me. And that’s all I can ask for at this point.
August is coming. That’s when I transfer to university. It’s kind of scary to think that I’ll be living kind of on my own, away from everything that I’ve known for 20 years. But it’ll be good for me. I’ll get a taste of something new, something different. And I know that when it gets to be too much, my friends will still be there to help me through things.
We perform in 12 days. We’ll see if I’m going to have to do my first stage-kiss or not. The show works fine without it. But sometimes, directors want more. I’m willing to give it, because it’ll help me grow as an actress. But until they flat out say “Now kiss”, my lips are going nowhere near his. It’s hard to believe it’s my last performance with this group of friends I’ve made over the past 3 semesters. I’m going to miss all of them (with the exception of a few who I want to bury under the stage). I’m probably going to be a mess on the second/last night (but then again, I usually am a mess before performances).
So there was this guy… and long story short, we’ve decided to be friends. And friendship is better than being completely awkward around each other, never speaking again. I am fine with being friends, because I really do like his friendship. Besides, I’m going off to college soon, and I’m not sure how well ‘long-distance’ would work. And I don’t have to worry about pretty-ing myself up when I’m going to see him. So it’s really a load off my shoulders. Yes… as long as he and I are friends, I’m sure I’ll be fine.
Yes, I am completely aware of how jumpy this post was. Do I really care? No. I had a lot to say, and my train of thought doesn’t take the most logical route. So suck it bitch.